Evan

dream journal

Fri, 27 Nov 2009 02:20:10 GMT

I Have decided to keep a dream journal. Rather than leaving it private, I have decided to add anyone who's at all interested in the ramblings of my subconcious mind. Comment here if you would like to be added to the filter - don't worry, I won't be offended if I get no comments

On Dreams

Wed, 25 Nov 2009 08:18:17 GMT

Hello livejournal, it has been a while. Time for a 'deep' post! I haven't done one of those in a long time.

I sleep a great deal, I have for a few months now. I don't know why I started sleeping so much, but I heartily approve of the change. I'll generally be vacant in the premises for anywhere between eleven and fourteen hours per day, now, and rather somnolescent the rest of the time. I look forward to putting my head down all the time, and often cannot wait to sleep again. I am not sure as to the reasons, but I enjoy the promise and the act of sleep a great deal.

I suppose the reason must be escapism. Sleep, to me, seems like a powerful drug which relaxes me from my cares, which while many, are insignificant. What's more, to sleep is to dream, and for some reason, while I'm usually not able to, lately I can remember my dreams with great clarity for hours afterward. Perhaps I should start keeping a dream journal.

In my dreams, I am naked, but no-one seems to mind, including me. There is a grand adventure, usually - in this particular one, last night, it was I and hundreds of others protecting the town of Geraldton from the ravages of darkspawn. I've never even been there! - and while caught up in the grand adventure, things pale in comparison. My own insecurity and insignificance (and nakedness! wot) pale in comparison to the grand task I and my friends must accomplish. Sometimes these friends are my actual friends, or sometimes they are characters from narrative, or sometimes personalities and faces I have made up entirely in my own head. The range and ability of my own imagination is nothing short of astounding.

Is it any wonder, then, that I wonder what it would be like to sleep forever? Escapism is a wonderful thing.

My hard drive is dead

Tue, 06 Oct 2009 08:44:20 GMT

Due to corrupted files. stupid cosmic rays :(

this is a pretty big picture

Fri, 04 Sep 2009 03:25:57 GMT

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rock bottom

Mon, 10 Aug 2009 10:49:13 GMT

At least the only way is up!

betty

Mon, 22 Jun 2009 15:29:55 GMT

tomorrow, I lose an old and dear friend.

Thankyou for carrying me these six long years, I have so many memories of you, good and bad. May you take many other lost wayfarers back to their beds in the afterlife. Good travels, Betty.

congratulations chas and jen

Sun, 31 May 2009 15:28:57 GMT

a gorgeous couple, a grand day out, a reunion with old friends. Good luck, chas and jen, you deserve some happiness :)

@ jetblackvalias, infamyanonymous

Tue, 12 May 2009 08:28:48 GMT

Merry Birthday!

someone wanted me to make a post

Tue, 05 May 2009 06:01:50 GMT

this is one

oogh

Wed, 08 Apr 2009 05:29:41 GMT

my stomach. What the hell did I eat

resolution status

Fri, 27 Mar 2009 01:36:17 GMT

as some may remember, I made a post awhile ago http://cthulhubitch.livejournal.com/30527.html about resolutions. Let's see how those are going.

1. World of warcraft is quit. I have space in my head for other things. Like tf2. Ah well, at least tf2 I can stop playing at a moment's notice and is a much better game anyway.
2. If anything, I've gained weight. Going to the gym is boring. exercise is boring. Why would I exercise when I could see friends or play computer games? Bah. Maybe I have to make time.
3. While I've been thinking about what to do with myself a fair bit, I haven't really come to any resolution as yet. I find IT easy, and working at SISO is great because of the company. But do I really want to keep this up forever? Perhaps some further certification, then moving to do sysadminning for a small organisation, like a school or a company, would be cool. Uni... is difficult to me. There doesn't feel to be a tangible benefit to the amount of sweat I have to put in to succeed, given that all I want, really, is a job that keeps me afloat and doesn't suck too much while I live my life.
4. Still working on it. I've kept my promise not to lie to people, with only a couple of exceptions, and never anything important. Keep that in mind if you ask me things! I will either be honest, or will tell you I don't want to answer. I'm find it remarkably freeing still.

Well, down to 3 I guess!

RE5 was freakin' sweet

Resolutions

Wed, 25 Feb 2009 13:40:11 GMT

1. Quit world of warcraft. It takes up too much space in my head.
2. Lose some weight. Find some way to enjoy exercise.
3. find out within the next few months whether uni leads to what I actually want to do with my life, or whether it's just really convenient.
4. See through the mask for what it is, and cast it aside

I barely knew him

Sat, 17 Jan 2009 05:09:34 GMT

on monday, a friend of mine died, and I didn't know until friday, when someone informed me at a party

and here I am still doing the things I always do. That probably makes me a terrible person.

remember girls

Sat, 10 Jan 2009 17:38:24 GMT

it's not real unless it's with a man

obligatory christmas post

Fri, 26 Dec 2008 16:40:42 GMT

It's been an interesting few days.

Christmas eve consisted of last-minute christmas shopping, hanging out with Samara, and small-scale lanning at planet afterward. I think I'm getting better at starcraft.

It was akward trying to buy a present for my cousin. How do you buy a present for someone you know almost nothing about? I ended deciding on a dinky little CD player/alarm clock from dick smith, even after I promised myself I wouldn't shop there again after the last fiasco they did where they sold me faulty product.

I've been spending a large amount of time with Samara this past couple of weeks. I don't really know what's going on, but honestly I don't really care. Whatever happens will happen, and if there's one thing this new psych has taught me, is that things should not be overthunk if they've got a human element. This is becoming dangerously stream of conciousnessy.

I spent christmas day with my family mostly. Christmas lunch involved turkey, ham and beer and such, like it does every year. But I think this year was different. None of us are children any more, and there was no need to hide the crudity of the world or its pain from us anymore. And for the first time in awhile, I didn't lie to my family. It feels different.

During the christmas lunch, we were all asked to make a toast to various things. Toasts were given out to family, to sanity, to the chefs, and to those who have gone before. My toasts was to new beginnings. This year is the last year of my life up till now. Things will change, I have resolutions!

I haven't told a lie in two solid weeks now. It's surprising how freer I feel. When you're honest with people, there's very little they can actually say to bring you down, and they'll almost always respect you for it. Also, I never realised before how much work a web of lies to lies was to maintain until I stopped doing it. The filtering isn't needed anymore.

The last day and a half I've been lanning and rubbing my left eye, where I've acquired a zit on the inside of my eyelid. Samara's next to me playing silent hill. She is freaked out, it is funny.

Time to go home.

Fri, 12 Dec 2008 15:43:46 GMT

of all the places I did not expect to be taken out to by a bunch of older fans, I REALLY did not expect a strip club. Yet here I am, post-stripclub, poorer and unsatisfied.

I don't think it's for me, really. A hug from a good friend feels much more satisfying than motorboating some random, unrealistically attractive young thing. (Dagnabbit you young kids!)

Things to do at strip club
- look the stripper in the eye most of the time. Don't stare uncomfortably over their shoulder or fixate at a body part
- Smile a lot
- Show your appreciation of her effort
- Don't be incredibly creepy (I'm not sure if going to a strip club in the first place voids this last one)
- Tip
- Don't buy drinks too much. Fuck are they expensive.

On another note, I came to a fundamental realisation the other day.

I'm very smart, but I'm not smart enough to read minds. That means I CANNOT in fact predict people's reactions to a tee, nor can I know what they're thinking. People will not always react the same way to the same thing, and I should not assume it.

Therefore, fearing that people will react badly to you saying something is dumb, because you don't really know how they'll react at all.

So you might as well just be honest about how you feel, assuming they want to know.

You can expect a lot more honesty from me from now on

Mon, 08 Dec 2008 13:13:46 GMT

Why does twilight make me so angry?

I don't know

Christmas post

Tue, 02 Dec 2008 06:58:51 GMT

This month and next is looking busy, in terms of parties and stuff. Occupied every weekend until after mid-january. Sweet. On that note, why would so many people want to have their parties on the 17th? Dammit.

My current list of christmas present people are:

Family (obviously)
Katie
Ross
Amber
Bean

let me know if you're getting ME a christmas present and I will put you on that list.

yes I know christmas is about giving but I am poor ok

In other news, my latent misogynism is rearing its ugly head again. or maybe it's my misanthropic tendencies in general. I don't know which I hate more - men acting like dicks and ruining lives and emotional states, or women liking the kind of guy who does that in the first place

I've really got to stop sleeping at other people's houses

Sat, 15 Nov 2008 00:49:16 GMT

because on the way back from mahonia today, I came awfully close to being in a car crash

apparently, pulling out between two cars about 50m apart from a standing start onto leach highway is a good idea! I was the back car, and had to stomp on my brakes so hard I heard my ankle click.

I beeped my horn, and the guy gave me a little wave from his position approximately .5m in front of my stationary car. Then drove off without a second thought. Fuckhole.

The irony, it burns

Sat, 01 Nov 2008 03:02:01 GMT

http://wonkette.com/403920/jesus-people-pray-that-false-idol-will-save-gods-economy

seriously, this is the stupidest goddam thing

Bearparty '08 summary

Sun, 26 Oct 2008 07:40:56 GMT

PROPS:

-Everyone who came. I love you, every single one.
-Lionel, Ross and Others for letting me use their awesome house for a party
-Coxy for bringing rock band
-Danica, Bean and Amber for <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
-Thatcher for Shoot 'em Up, as promised
-Coxy/Keziah again for tumblers and chocolate
-Ross for BUCKET O' CHIKEN
-everyone for hugs, and putting up with me being slightly tipsy
-Tim and Shoko for cleaning up the house the next day

SLOPS:
-The brotherhood of the bucket foot. Seriously, wtf?
-Thatcher's gorilla monkey strength
-2AM renditions of fortunate son, with the whole room helping
-CERTAIN PEOPLE not coming (staring menacingly at miss_kittylix, Ergos and a couple others here)

Still, a lot more people turned up than I expected. I wish I'd enjoyed it more, but I spent a lot of it being nervous that people weren't enjoying themselves. And about other things.

Fuck, I'm 22

Ugh

Sun, 19 Oct 2008 22:53:11 GMT

I feel very sick

Tue, 07 Oct 2008 07:41:44 GMT

panto production week itt.

The real question is, should I go to Barker's birthday after the saturday performance, or the afterparty?

Why do so many people have birthdays in october

Stuff

Sat, 13 Sep 2008 15:53:24 GMT

I went to see a french film with Emma today. It was a comedy (with subtitles) that seemed to be about the usual fish-out-of-water thing with a southerner moving into a northern town, usually envisaged as the 'hillbilly' part of France. It was a many-layered comedy, with physical humour, situational humour, farcical elements, and puns. I'm glad it was, because I think I must've missed almost all the puns. Damn bilingual girlfriends *shakes fist*. 'Twas a good experience nevertheless.

A lot of my friends seem depressed lately. Maybe I'm one of them. There's certainly some things about my life I'd like to change, but I don't feel like talking about them on the internet, I guess. I really like the trend of some things, new friends I'm aquiring or old ones I'm getting to know better, but there's some stuff I should be doing

Time for bed.

less emo today

Tue, 02 Sep 2008 12:23:11 GMT

that is all